A Pivotal Point

Love is a strange one.  We can still love our partner, even though we feel and know the relationship is nothing like it used to be.  When first married, we can’t wait to see each other at the end of the day, and probably can’t keep our hands off each other.  Then with the advent of children, pressures of work, paying the mortgage, having an extended family and other trials life may bring, it is possible that frustration and disappointments become evident and the loving, sexual, sensual closeness begins to wane. The spark disappears. Emotional distance sets in.  Mostly this is due to the complexities of life. Often as the dynamics of a relationship change, exhaustion sets the pattern and we are fast asleep before our head even hits the pillow.  This may also be a way to avoid underlying issues that are not being addressed.

As individuals we change over the years, we are influenced by our friends and business colleagues, work, other mothers, the pressures of parenthood.  It is possible one partner will broaden and expand their horizons in a different way from the other.  This need not spell the end of the relationship, rather with open and honest communication it can enhance the relating.

Turning any situation around and trying to focus on the things that are working in your relationship and reaching for better feeling thoughts is the beginning of a recipe for success.  It is so easy in life to notice what is not working, what we believe should be changed (usually the other person).  Having some gratitude for what we have instead of beating the drum about what we do not have or what is not working is always helpful and it does bring you to a pivotal point.

Some may have thoughts and feelings about wanting change, maybe even wanting to leave the relationship as it is no longer fun coming home every night, or being at home all day with children is not meeting needs on an adult level.  It does not mean to say that the intention is to divorce, nonetheless the thought or the desire to abandon ship is a result of growing discontent and the failure to find a way to achieve some balance.  You know that saying “the grass is always greener’?  Well it may look greener, that is, until you get there.

Do you know why?  Being in a relationship means we are part of the problem (if there is one).  Therefore if the decision is made to move on to greener pastures, we take ourselves with us and any inherent problems we have. It is likely we will act them out over and over again, until we take some responsibility for who and what we are. Until,  we are prepared to make changes to our thinking and behaviour that brings us the changes we are wanting, especially when it comes to our relationships.

Conscious loving, conscious sex, conscious communication, reaching for better feeling thoughts, looking for what feels good – always – and having a deep appreciation for what life has given you is a recipe for a joyous, happy and fulfilling life.

We shall not cease from exploration

And the end of all our exploring

Will be to arrive where we started

And know the place for the very first time.

  • ‘Little Gidding’, T.S. Eliot

That could well mean that we meet our beloved, fall in love, play, live and bring up a family with him/her, deal with pressures and challenges, drift apart and struggle with our very own identity and then wind up back ‘in love’, renewed, as if meeting them again for the very first time and beginning a new chapter of life together.  Stronger, more assured, companionable and very much at peace with each other and the life experiences that has brought you to this very moment.

Copyright ©2017 Marie-Elise Allen

Being Authentic

Our authentic self – that internal beacon of truth and powerful internal compass- is often silenced by the noise of daily living.  Many of us wake up in mid-life, look around and realize that we have no idea who we are and indeed begin to wonder if we ever did.

 We’ve been busy building lives – children, partners, careers, friendships – and have gotten out of touch with the most meaningful piece of our lives . . . our centre!

Actions and behavioural choices, are the most obvious choices that are made, however there are subtle more profound choices that affect who we have become, choices of what we think and feel, the attitudes we hold, the principles and values we choose to abide by, or not, as the case may be, especially when it comes to our sexual self.  Every choice we make has an impact to a greater or lesser extent on who we are and the life we live, each one like a pebble dropped in a pond, the ripples, the ramifications, spreading out into our future and other areas of our life.

When you realise you have the power to choose in any given situation what you want and what happens in your life, you awaken a new level of empowerment, responsibility and self-determination, and as such, you are better able to change it.  Most of us find great peace in being comfortable, safely snuggled into the known – even when it no longer serves us.  When we’re comfortable, we don’t make changes.  And without changes, we cannot expect any personal, professional, creative, spiritual or sexual growth.  We can best step onto the path of life toward a vibrant future by realizing that our choices can lead us towards change and enable us to grow in ways we would never have thought possible.

The one area of our lives that is often overlooked is the area of our sexual self, the sacral chakra.  The part of our bodies where the energy centre is associated with feeling, emotion, desire and it this sexual energy centre that has much to do with self image. Our sexuality is part of our authentic self.  It is not to be ignored.  If it was not for the sexual act itself we would not be here on this planet!  The more women (in particular) that I meet on my journey, the more I grow to understand that influences from earlier times in their life, (especially religious influences), or the collapse of a relationship,  has led them to close down, ignore, and over look their sense of sexual self.  Often this leads to action whereby they put everyone and everything else first, whether it be work, children or friends.  Anything to repress, oppress, and suppress any sexual feelings or desires that may come up.

We do not remember being a toddler yet we have so much to learn from them.  They live in the present moment, in awe of everything that is in front of them . . . a stone on the pavement, a feather on the path, a puddle after a storm, an empty box.  They cry one moment in frustration, then pivot and laugh and giggle in the next.  Never carrying resentment and angst from what upset them in the first place.   They also are very interested in their body parts, especially the genitals!  What happens to that inquisitiveness, to the touching, to the fondling that feels so good, to the carefree and gay abandonment of being naked?

 In meeting women from all walks of life, there are those with a common thread that links them when it comes to choosing self-exploration as a way to expand one’s sensual palette and open the door to new sexual sensations. So often, they have a  belief that  it is wrong!  Women are afraid to explore their own bodies, to touch their nipples, thighs, breasts, labia, neck and belly, anus or any other area that is sensitive to touch.  For those who are single, the desire to self pleasure (should it come to mind), reinforces their lack of a partner, their unworthiness, even that they are unlovable, so they resist the urge.

However, when the choice is made to open up to new possibilities, to get to know oneself, to find the inner lover, to get in touch with sexual feelings and desires, the vibration and energy of the body shifts and changes.  We radiate from within, the eyes sparkle, the skin glows.  Orgasm releases stress, helps us find appreciation for our amazing bodies and therein lies the possibility of loving ourselves in a way we never thought possible.  The bonus is – we become more lovable!

The simple fact is, sexual experience with a partner or alone,  is healing not only to one’s self, but also to one’s relationship with the world.

Human and Child Sex Trafficking

Some time ago I read a book called “The Little Princes”. It was written by Conor Grennan who had an extraordinary drive and quest to reunite ‘lost’ children with their parents.  His story is based in Nepal. There was a decade long Civil War in Nepal from 1996 – 2006. Maoist rebels  (Child traffickers), deceived […]

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No Bullshit here!

It is so refreshing to watch this video and see there is another person around my age, who too, does not buy into the collective bullshit.  I found this interview really interesting and yes I am ordering the book!!! Want to get yourself a Christmas present that has substance, meaning and answers? Here is the […]

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Health, Oils and Lean Bodies

Health these days seems to be defined by manic exercise, lean, thin fit bodies and raw food or Paleo diets.  So what happens to those who don’t fit into that category? Many people struggle with their weight and diets, which is not helped by the big corporations that tamper with the modification of seeds that […]

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Mindfulness with dōTERRA essential oils

We don’t have to be a master of anything in our lives to experience the benefits of mindfulness.  I remember in 1996 when I lived at Plum Village, a spiritual community not far from Bordeaux in the South West of France, how we were encouraged in applying mindfulness to everything we did, all day and […]

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Christmas is Around the Corner

It is that time of the year again, where we all heading into the festive season.  A time fraught with crowds, impatience, present buying, wrapping and traffic.  Time to get your dōTERRA on! What is that you may ask? Certified Pure Therapeutic Grade Essential Oil made by dōTERRA.  Essential oil that is genuine, pure, potent, […]

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Network Marketing with dōTERRA

Are you serious about your Network Marketing business?  How comfortable are you with direct sales and  networking?  We, who have joined dōTERRA are known as Wellness Consultants.  It is a great label.  It is what we do.  We consult, share, affirm, listen, advocate.  Nonetheless we are part of a Network Marketing business. A very successful […]

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The Child and doTERRA Essential Oils

How I wish I had known about the benefits of using dōTERRA essential oil 17 years ago when my grandson was just a little one. The times those in charge in Day Care, Kindy and both Primary School and High School had problems with his behaviour. He was a quick learner and thinker.  He was […]

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A Conversation about MLM

What do you think about Multi Level Marketing?  It is interesting isn’t it, that invariably I find 85% of those to whom I mention MLM to will give a dismissive or negative response.  I too am in that league and have, after a few miserable attempts made derisive comments about the impossible odds of succeeding. […]

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