Adultery and Affairs

What is it about the personal lives of people in high flying positions that is supposed to induce us to even bothering to give a rip about their indiscretions?  It never ceases to amaze me why people in public office have their personal lives laid bare for all in sundry to pass opinion upon, when what they do in their private lives is actually none of our business, and more to the point who the hell cares?

The media and tabloids have become extremely tiresome (in my opinion) in seeking and publishing ‘dirt’ on people holding high profile positions (or attempting to).  For me, the issue is more about how are they doing their job, not who they are screwing.   It is about asking the questions as to whether they have they the strengths and ability required to hold down their position, are they able to demonstrate their prowess in the outcomes expected of their position, never mind their prowess in the bedroom.

Once the media gets hold of gossip and innuendo then it seems males and females are fair game.  Digging up as much dirt as possible becomes par for the course and there is no end to the way this  ‘dirt’ is uncovered.

AffairBasically, I am not wanting to get into ‘right or wrong’ about having relations with another who is outside of one’s primary relationship.  What I would like to explore is the fact that we as humans have a man made rule that (for religious reasons mostly) says once we enter a relationship or marriage we are NEVER to look at, want, adore, or become turned on, by anyone other than the person we contracted an agreement with in the first place.  No matter that we, as individuals, change and grow and become very different people along the pathway of life.  From where I sit, it seems it appears we are not allowed any choice, other than to stick with the same partner through thick and thin, and deny the very essence of ourselves, should any feelings arise towards another, because commitment is commitment.  Hmm, that may be so, and it sounds like ownership!

I am not really for or against marriage, I am merely playing devil’s advocate here in simply stating it is just as ridiculous to shut down as a human being and deny feelings for our partners, as it is to deny feelings that may arise out of nowhere for someone outside our relationship.  Yes, our western culture demands that when we enter into a relationship, there should be trust, commitment, respect and honour that seals the deal and therefore make makes it forbidden to ever desire another whilst in that relationship. But stuff happens.  How do you ever control energy?  The short answer is you can’t!

In my view, entering into a loving relationship does not guarantee that it will last forever.  At the time the decisions are made, they are always with the best of intentions, and for all intents and purposes very much bear the truth and reality of the moment. This can last for a season, an era, or for a lifetime. No wrong or right.  What is, IS.

Even the words used when describing a person who has a dalliance, fire others up to pass judgement (no matter what is hidden in their own closet).  Words like stray, meaning to err, deviate, drift, or unfaithful,  meaning disloyal, adulterous, a cheat, or affair, meaning liaison, intrigue, fling, and adultery, meaning infidelity, unfaithfulness, extramarital sex. Then there are those who are ‘witness’ to a liaison and seem to think it is their ‘God given right’ in getting in on the act and stirring the pot.  For me, the liaison is the business of the people who are actually involved and no one else.

In our monogamous society it is frowned upon to become involved with another if we have a primary partner, even though we as humans are certainly capable of loving more than one partner at the one time.  In my experience I know my former primary partner felt very much a sense of ‘refuge’ with me, and that I provided a sense of belonging to who he was at the time, however, being very virile he also became attracted to others and had sexual liaisons with them.  At the time this did not please me, as I felt very righteous in claiming that it was certainly not a lack of sex that had him finding some sort of relief or cheer with another.

Now that I have a more mature outlook on life, I can see he was endlessly addicted to the endorphins. He did not love me any less, rather he was easily lured by the excitement and the experimental thrill.  This in no way affected the way he performed his day job!!!  The lies and deceit are another issue, and were to essentially become part of immense personal growth on both sides.  All of this was certainly no one else’s business!

Relationships take courage, because relationships are about truth, respect, communication as well as sex and love. Relationships are about…relating!    An affair is often (although not always), a distraction from the challenges one has to face in a relationship, and ultimately includes a fear of being honest about who you are and what you want.

In closing, I reiterate, I am neither agreeing or disagreeing with those who have sexual relations outside of their primary relationship, nor attempting to say what is right or what is wrong.  It is not for me to judge, after all as I started off saying at the beginning of this writing, whose business is it anyway??

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