Finding Oneself

For years and years I have listened to tapes and CD's, read books, bought the T shirts, watched the DVD's, attended workshops and listened to different teachers around the world who have imparted their wisdom and perspective of how to live a life with meaning, be in the present moment and become consciously aware of action, thoughts and feelings.

There were times I would burst through into a level of understanding (or is that supposed to be ‘clarity') and think this is it! The moment would pass. I was soon to learn we all experience moments of peace, immense joy, understanding, knowing and appreciation AND that you cannot hang on to those moments, they pass by just like everything else in life.

Over many years I have heard it all, I have felt good, felt worse, felt heard, felt unheard, felt worthy, felt unworthy, felt validated, felt ostracized, the list goes on and on. I recall one day after a particularly grueling workshop, I gave up. I was traumatized by a morning workshop where I felt as though I had been in a fish bowl with a pack of pirahanas.

I escaped into a glen surrounded by trees where I sat down, feeling totally violated, and got it!!

Sitting in that glen I asked myself why I needed others to approve of me, after all, I was being the best me I knew how and was good enough the way I was. I had certainly come a long way from that dysfunctional, usually tipsy young woman of the 70's. Here I was on the other side of the world, amongst people most of whom I did not know, looking for the perfect me! The silly thing was, I was already OK being who I was.

Deciding there and then that my days with that particular Guru were over, I moved on and continued to delve into many different processes and practices in order to ‘find myself'. Meditation as a practice came and went and came back again, businesses were used to fill the void of loneliness and eventually I came full circle into another deeper unfolding and understanding. This was to do with self-responsibility, ownership of my life exactly as it is and the realisation that nothing and no one outside of myself was needed to give me a better sense of who I am.

Rather I was attracting into my life exactly what I needed to project me into further levels of understanding and I also realised that the power of my thoughts and what I uttered, along with the mind chatter ensured I got exactly what I was ‘asking' for.

Recently I experienced listening to a friend recounting everything that was not working in her life. Her health, her relationship, her low energy, her lack of cash flow, her mortgages. As I listened, I felt her energy pick up when she spoke of how this Natural Therapist was working with her on certain issues and how she just knew her health would be a non issue once they finished the series of consultations. I acknowledge some of us always need someone out there to inspire and lead us to a better feeling place. What I also notice is attention to your current condition begets more of whatever it is. It does not pay to feed what is not working in your life and wear it like a badge of honour (or use it as an excuse).

I now know, (really know), that what you give your attention to you get. My life experience has proved that over and over again. If you want to be well and disease free, how can that be achievable if every time you open your mouth you talk about ‘having a disease' or ‘having this allergy and that allergy' or talk about how you ‘need healing' as if you are broken and need fixing? That is fuelling and feeding the very thing you want to be rid of.

Of course life is not perfect, there will always be contrast and how we deal with contrast shapes how we feel about ourselves and our life. It would be fair to say that most of us want a joyous life, days where we are so uplifted with the beauty of what surrounds us that our heart bursts with gratitude for what abounds.

It is also fair to say that the contrast helps us sort out what we DO want and by taking inspired action towards what we want, tuning into a more positive outlook and having thoughts and feelings that support us in our quest, we benefit BIG time.

With all the hype that has been apparent since the advent of THE SECRET, I believe that action is still necessary with one stipulation. Action needs to come from an inspired place. To work harder, dig deeper, act out longer is often digging a deeper and deeper hole. My own experience has been that to STOP and chill, and meditate and just BE for a few hours, brings enough space to perceive situations from a broader perspective so that when we stand up to get on with it, our action is coming from inspiration rather than desperation.

Shit happens! There is no doubt about that. It is how we respond or react to the situation that dictates whether we carry on feeling good, or succumb to wallowing in the depths of despair or want to cause a big uproar and make everyone else feel miserable and angry as well.

Here is an example. A recent trip overseas resulted in my small carry-on luggage being stolen off a train when returning to Rome. It was full of everything dear to me. Jewellery, gifts, expensive headphones, the value running into thousands of dollars. Upon noticing it had been stolen there was no point in kicking up a fuss. We could not speak Italian, the Porter could not have given two hoots, and we had to make a connecting flight overseas, so really what was the point? The bag was gone – end of story. We continued our journey.

The next morning I made the phone calls to the appropriate place in Australia and reported the incident. Some weeks later the forms were completed and sent in to the Insurance Company. Some 10 weeks later I received the letter from the Insurance Company refusing to pay out. My reaction?

I reasoned that before reading the letter I had no compensation and after reading the letter nothing had changed! So move on. What was the point fighting it, getting upset and dragging up the upset of the original loss. What would it serve?

Yes, I fleetingly reflected upon the powers that be, men and women sitting in their offices deciding who to pay out and who not to. Getting rewarded for looking for any loop hole that ensures the Company can righteously state their intention not to compensate. However I did not want to spiral into a vindictive game of letter bashing. I have more exciting things going on in my life and they deserve my laughter, my attention and my whole hearted cheerfulness.

It is so easy to follow the energy of the masses and create uproars over things that in the end cause angst everywhere, even in places and with people of whom it is none of their business!

I say choose the path of least resistance and harmony. Choose amicableness, friendship and peacefulness , therein lies joyousness.