Mention sensuality or the word SEX and more often than not the listener will shift uncomfortably in their seat or shuffle their feet, maybe look away or over you or through you. Eyes glaze over, you can almost see their thoughts and discomfort run rampant. What is it these words trigger?
We are all different. Some of us have no problem talking about sex, having sex, being sexy, offering the sensual and sexy self to another. Others clam up, or become defensive. Often I think that personal trauma and violating experiences from the past colour our defensiveness. The sad thing is that when the past intrudes and lays it claim against embarking towards new, delightful, healthy and joyful sexual experiences, then we have a bias that does not serve us. Sadly, sex can be used as a manipulative tool for some while any sort of sexual feeling can be deeply repressed in others.
I was speaking with a colleague the other day who believes at some level all the problems of the world stem from sexual stuff. There was an element of “it is all men’s fault” that I heard throughout the conversation. For me that is simply untrue. Listening, there was reference to men violating children and women, men always being the perpetrator, men not in touch with their feelings, which then jumped to men needing to be healed, which insinuated they are broken! This is not my reality and I felt there was some personal agenda in the conversation. To be fair, men too are wanting nourishing, fulfilling sexual interaction, whereby their masculinity is honoured.
As with anything in this world there is the uplifting side of the sexual side of life and of course there’s the less healthy side. I am not sure this is especially geared towards gender at all. We all experience varying sexual encounters and draw from those experiences into our reality what was good, not good and what we would rather do without. This helps us understand what it is we want in our future and what we prefer when it comes to sexual activity. We sort the “wood from the chaff” so to speak.
Misguided desires or simply by being out of touch with our own feelings and our own body’s wants and needs is different for each of those who have had negative sexual experiences. We are all individual and unique and so is every sexual act and expression of sexual practice .
To be in alignment with our inner lover (being) and to experience deep and meaningful connections is what sexual fulfillment is made of. You can be at peace with all the feelings and experiences that move through us as humans especially the sexual ones. Just being open to learning and trusting oneself and feeling safe encourages us to blossom into a fully realised sexual being. We all, men and women have mostly been shut down and sexually superficial for too long.
So what can the word SEX trigger? Wholeness, openness, being seduced and cherished, joy, vitality and bliss! It all starts with self!