Ever felt completely drained, depleted, exhausted, sapped and completely empty with nothing left to give? Not to yourself or anyone else? Pushed, pulled, torn apart, pressed and bent in all kinds of directions? Challenge upon challenge that is deeply personal, wiping you out, leaving a fatigued, bruised, angry and empty self?
We all respond to challenges and pain in our own unique way. Mostly, I myself and many I notice around me, have suppressed, stuffed down and repressed deep inside that which we do not know how to deal with. Most noticeably this can be child hood trauma, all sorts of abuse, bullying, death and dying, divorce, moving home and the stress of living life.
Throughout my journey of becoming more consciously aware of life, the stories I carry, the experiences that challenge me, the patterns I have formed, have all been dealt with in many ways, from Dynamic Meditation, being in silence for three months, writing journals, dancing, being very vocal and angry and getting nowhere it seems. Stuff, always arises. Situations emerge. Something or somebody will trigger anger.
I am very aware that this uncovering of oneself is a never ending journey. There is no end of the road. Being open and willing to delve, probe, explore and enquire into the dark chasm within requires some resilience.
It has become more and more apparent as stories and experiences have left their mark on me that I need to find an ongoing way for them to be expunged. That I need to cleanse myself of the toxicity that has built up over the years, within my body and wellbeing, on so many levels.
So, instead of verbally telling my story, I write. Expunge, empty, drain and attempt to clear, the hurt, the pain, the fear, the rage, the anger, the torment, the distress.
I write (mostly in long hand) pages and pages, of my story. There are many of them. Some of the writing is in the form of anger letters directed at specific people. Sometimes it is anger towards myself. None of this writing is for keeping. It is a way to empty the chamber pot. The places inside where toxic, contaminated thoughts, belief and monkey mind have wielded their power for years. It is not necessary to get everything out in one hit. I write, stop, read back and continue with mounting energy driving myself to expel more and more of whatever it is that causing me upset at the time. It is cathartic. Then
I destroy the writing, in a ritualistic burning ceremony offering the words, feelings and emotion on that paper, up to Source, to absolve and allow Joy to restore itself within my being.
This is an ongoing process. It is cathartic, yet also challenging. It is amazing what is hidden in the depths of one’s being. When one thing arises, it often leads to something else that needs to be cleared. The writing is the energy that supports me in becoming healthy, strong and successful again. The energy that gives me the ability to return to my original, or better, self than I was before!
When I can write a love letter to myself, and mean what I write, then I know I will have arrived at that place of enlightenment.
AND there will always be the need to keep emptying the chamber pot. Life is like that. Always giving you more!