Our authentic self – that internal beacon of truth and powerful internal compass- is often silenced by the noise of daily living. Many of us wake up in mid-life, look around and realize that we have no idea who we are and indeed begin to wonder if we ever did.
We’ve been busy building lives – children, partners, careers, friendships – and have gotten out of touch with the most meaningful piece of our lives . . . our centre!
Actions and behavioural choices, are the most obvious choices that are made, however there are subtle more profound choices that affect who we have become, choices of what we think and feel, the attitudes we hold, the principles and values we choose to abide by, or not, as the case may be, especially when it comes to our sexual self. Every choice we make has an impact to a greater or lesser extent on who we are and the life we live, each one like a pebble dropped in a pond, the ripples, the ramifications, spreading out into our future and other areas of our life.
When you realise you have the power to choose in any given situation what you want and what happens in your life, you awaken a new level of empowerment, responsibility and self-determination, and as such, you are better able to change it. Most of us find great peace in being comfortable, safely snuggled into the known – even when it no longer serves us. When we’re comfortable, we don’t make changes. And without changes, we cannot expect any personal, professional, creative, spiritual or sexual growth. We can best step onto the path of life toward a vibrant future by realizing that our choices can lead us towards change and enable us to grow in ways we would never have thought possible.
The one area of our lives that is often overlooked is the area of our sexual self, the sacral chakra. The part of our bodies where the energy centre is associated with feeling, emotion, desire and it this sexual energy centre that has much to do with self image. Our sexuality is part of our authentic self. It is not to be ignored. If it was not for the sexual act itself we would not be here on this planet! The more women (in particular) that I meet on my journey, the more I grow to understand that influences from earlier times in their life, (especially religious influences), or the collapse of a relationship, has led them to close down, ignore, and over look their sense of sexual self. Often this leads to action whereby they put everyone and everything else first, whether it be work, children or friends. Anything to repress, oppress, and suppress any sexual feelings or desires that may come up.
We do not remember being a toddler yet we have so much to learn from them. They live in the present moment, in awe of everything that is in front of them . . . a stone on the pavement, a feather on the path, a puddle after a storm, an empty box. They cry one moment in frustration, then pivot and laugh and giggle in the next. Never carrying resentment and angst from what upset them in the first place. They also are very interested in their body parts, especially the genitals! What happens to that inquisitiveness, to the touching, to the fondling that feels so good, to the carefree and gay abandonment of being naked?
In meeting women from all walks of life, there are those with a common thread that links them when it comes to choosing self-exploration as a way to expand one’s sensual palette and open the door to new sexual sensations. So often, they have a belief that it is wrong! Women are afraid to explore their own bodies, to touch their nipples, thighs, breasts, labia, neck and belly, anus or any other area that is sensitive to touch. For those who are single, the desire to self pleasure (should it come to mind), reinforces their lack of a partner, their unworthiness, even that they are unlovable, so they resist the urge.
However, when the choice is made to open up to new possibilities, to get to know oneself, to find the inner lover, to get in touch with sexual feelings and desires, the vibration and energy of the body shifts and changes. We radiate from within, the eyes sparkle, the skin glows. Orgasm releases stress, helps us find appreciation for our amazing bodies and therein lies the possibility of loving ourselves in a way we never thought possible. The bonus is – we become more lovable!
The simple fact is, sexual experience with a partner or alone, is healing not only to one’s self, but also to one’s relationship with the world.